This was going to be a post about what to take to the beach. But I’ve decided to take it in a different direction because this is my blog and I’ll do whatever I want. How many of us have gone to the beach postpartum and looked at ourselves in the mirror beforehand in horror at the fact that you have to wear a bathing suit? *Frantically raises hand*
You see all of your friends who haven’t had babies with their tight tummies and perky tits and you think to yourself well fuck. I’m not here to tell you to love your new body, how could I when I’m still working on that myself. I’m just here to let you know that I, among so many others, can empathize with you, because to be honest it sucks. Not to mention that “dad bods” are totally acceptable but “mom bods” are a no go. You’ll bounce back, they say, not realizing the effect it has on you every time they say it. Like what you are right now is not and never will be enough, because if we don’t have our pre-baby body back within 2 months, it means we just gave up on ourselves. Take care of the baby, make yourself healthy foods, workout, if not it’s “wow she really let herself go”. No bitch, she had a human.
You go into stores and stand in front of the mirror for 15 minutes looking at your new reality in a bathing suit and you think how could my husband/boyfriend/fiancé/partner still love me like this. You decide to go online instead of buying them in the store because you think maybe they’ll fit better and you’ll feel confident enough to take your shirt off once your feet hit the sand. Maybe it works, maybe you get them in and look in the mirror and get a boost of confidence. Maybe that confidence is shattered when you get on the beach and instantly start searching for other “mom bods” so you can be around people you’re comfortable with.
It’s not fair, society’s standards of beauty. It’s not fair that we are told to be a certain way, act a certain way, look a certain way. Did you know that 12.8 % of postpartum mothers suffer from clinical eating disorders? No? Didn’t think so, we’re not allowed to talk about it. You’re supposed to be happy with your body because it birthed a beautiful baby, but also omg are you eating a cookie..?
Diet culture… lol. Here’s a list of the best foods to lose the baby weight, take this pill, supplement, appetite suppressant. What? New moms are already vulnerable. We are going through hormone changes like you wouldn’t believe. We think that maybe it will help, maybe society will love me more if I spend the $80 for the vitamins to make my tummy flat. We say older people get preyed on by scammers but mamas we are just as impressionable. We might not be draining our bank accounts for an Arabian prince in need of help but we are listening to these companies as they try to tell us who to be and what to look like.
Even the positive comments get ya. “Wow you look great for having a baby”, “you bounced back quick”. All insinuating that what you were wasn’t enough. Thank God you’re back now because damn you looked terrible while you were growing life in your body. They don’t always mean it like that but when you’re struggling with how you look that’s exactly how you take it.
How can we try and get back on track postpartum? I’ve thought about this a lot. I tried to think of easy things that we can all try in our daily routine to be more mindful, and comfortable in this postpartum life. Ditch the weight loss plan because diets don’t work anyway. Try a social media detox or even just trying to be aware of the people you follow, do they make you feel better or worse when you look at their page? The scale is not your friend, break up with her. Have realistic expectations for your postpartum self, expectations that lift you up not tear you down. Journal, get it all out on the page so that it doesn’t have to take up as much room in your head. Know that what you’re feeling is totally normal. There is an army of us out there trying to fight through the battle that is postpartum. Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, oh and eat the fucking cookie.
I know you don’t believe it because I certainly don’t, but you are beautiful, you are strong, and your body did the coolest thing of all. Find a mom tribe, and love them hard because this is hard. This is the hardest thing in the world. But we get the privilege of also knowing it’s also the most amazing. Your tummy may sag, and your thighs may jiggle, you may have pimples, or stretch marks, or hair loss, but you also have a tiny human who looks at you like you’re the best thing in the world.
You don’t have to love your postpartum body right now, but don’t hate it either.
xoxo, nikki
References For Postpartum Body Image:
ForTheMoms 