Best part about spontaneous labor? No one knew I was in labor, not even me. This made it super easy for Brit and I to decide we weren’t going to tell anyone about it until he was born, except immediate family of course. Surprise! It was honestly nice and I actually wish looking back on it we had waited even longer to tell people. Once everyone knows your phone starts blowing up like a Fourth of July firework show. Obviously, it’s nice everyone is excited, but it’s also overwhelming to a new mom feeling like she has to respond to everyone right then and there. However, I didn’t have to deal with the visitors at the hospital and for that I am thankful.
I’ve seen the pictures of everyone gathered in super small hospital rooms. Mom looks like she was hit by a train, bleeding all over the bed, but smiling because she can’t show people she’s in pain. No thanks. Covid stopped me from having visitors at the hospital and I think it’s the one thing I enjoyed about the Covid era. The thought of people coming in and sitting there while I’m tired as fuck, pumping milk out of myself every 2 hours, trying to make small talk sounds like my own personal hell. Now, if you want people in your room post delivery, I commend you. I understand that some mamas really just want to start showing that babe off immediately and why shouldn’t you? You spent a long time cooking that little love so they could come out into the world and receive all the love they deserve. But if you’re anything like me, having that time in the hospital to yourself was a blessing you didn’t realize you needed.
Then you get home. This is where boundaries come in. The first few weeks, even months after baby are the dark ages. You just kinda black out and hope you did everything right when you finally come to. This means the visitors you choose to have at that time should be people actively trying to help you through the blackout. The DD if you will, the people who help you find the light at the end of the newborn tunnel. For Brit and I the first few weeks consisted of immediate family and Lauren, everybody needs a Lauren. A Lauren is the best friend who doesn’t come over to sit there and stare at you, no, a Lauren takes a night shift or 4 so you can sleep. The way I look at it is the people you allow over in the first few weeks should be the people that you consider an extension of yourself, the people who get the bottle ready for you while you change the diaper without even asking.
Now, Alyssa and I were also both super careful after our babies were born. Olivia as we know was born super small, and she was born at the height of RSV and flu season. Griffin was in the NICU, and when we asked the nurses about visitors, they all said to limit visitors at first until he was at least at his due date. I think it’s safe to say the last thing any mama wants is her baby getting sick with literally anything.
Whether you choose to have visitors after baby or not is up to each person. You might want to hole up at home with no visitors at all, total caveman style. Or you might have a sip and see, and invite everyone you’ve ever met. But, if you’re like me you just wanted the people who were going to help you get by.
So, what’s the right answer on when to have visitors after baby? Whenever the fuck you want mama.
xoxo,nikki
ForTheMoms 