SOOOO I might get a lot of “is this girl serious” after this but here we are. I got off birth control, because at the time I was serious in my fitness and I was reading studies and posts about how hormonal birth control can suppress your muscle growth. I wasn’t gaining weight or any muscle so I figured let’s give it a try, shall we Miss. Alyssa, you smarty-pants you. I did my research, Google said a person can’t get pregnant 6 months to a year once they get off the pill. So if Google said it, it must be true. Jimmy and I were being safe, at least I thought we were – haha. I noticed I was peeing a lot more frequently. I was waking up several times a night. It was a little ridiculous, but I just thought I was this hydrated queen drinking my gallon of water a day (yes you go girl). Then, I noticed my boobs were growing but that didn’t make sense since normally when working out, the first thing to go when you lose weight is your boobs—well whatever carry on. Then….my period was late. Only by a week. I figured my body was trying to regulate after coming off the pill. IT’S ONLY BEEN A MONTH relax. Jimmy randomly texted me while I was at work about having a feeling I should take a test. I reassured him that there was absolutely no way I could be pregnant and then he said, “idk babe I feel like you should take a test I just have this feeling” and I’m like, “nah babe were good no way I am pregnant no way.” That thought kind of sat in my head for a while, “Am I pregnant? No? Maybe?” So I was at work on the Friday of Memorial Day weekend, stocked up on my White Claws and hot dogs. Anyway, I was on my lunch break at work and I figured I should go get a pregnancy test…why not? I mean I wasn’t pregnant. Let’s just ease my mind a bit since Jimmy so rudely disrupted my mindset for the day. I went to Rite Aid and the cashier lady looked at me and I was like “I’m not pregnant” she said, “mhm good luck honey” –haha great… I got back to work, I went into the bathroom, I took the test, I was so confident I wasn’t pregnant I was not even taking it seriously. I had taken pregnancy tests before. How was this time any different? I washed my hands not even paying attention because I knew it’s going to have only 1 line. I looked down and I saw 2 lines….Two. DARK. pink lines. No way…I grabbed that second test out of the box so fast I barely had anything left in me. Same thing, 2 dark pink lines and when I say dark I mean like this thing is laughing at me like you are pregnant pregnant girl. I remember just staring at the tests shaking. Why did I do this at work? I’m fucking pregnant. That was such a surreal moment.
I know everyone’s situations are different but I think we can all agree how disbelieving it is when seeing those positive pregnancy tests. It’s like you’re looking in the mirror, you look normal, you’ve been doing all your normal everyday things and it’s like the whole time, you didn’t even know that a baby was growing inside of you. It’s like at that moment, looking at those tests everything changes. I just find that SO crazy!
So back to me lol at this point I was uncontrollably shaking. I FaceTimed Jimmy. I held the tests up with tears in my eyes but I was shaking my phone so much he couldn’t really see what’s going on but he knew. He hung up, what the fuck Jimmy? He called me on the phone. “I am assuming those are positive”. I couldn’t even speak. I’m like “uhuh uh uh uh 2 lines, uh dark lines, I peed on a stick and 2 lines showed up, uh uh uh”. He told me to calm down, relax, everything was okay. We will talk when we get home. RELAX?! How could I relax? A HUMAN IS GROWING INSIDE ME AS WE SPEAK!!! Now, my lunch break was over. I went back to my desk and I couldn’t even sit. I just stared into space pacing around until my coworker noticed I didn’t touch my lunch, which is so unlike me. I needed 3:00 pm now. Finally, it was 2:58 and I ran out of that building so fast. I rushed to my car and I called my friend. She said she was going to bring me a Clear Blue test as if the other two tests I took at work weren’t enough validation. I got home and she shortly rushed through the door after me, and handed me the test.
I decided I was going to wait until Jimmy got home, which I should have done from the beginning. Finally he got home and were just staring at each other and I felt so awkward I tried asking him about his day, “so how was your day?” and he just looked at me and I followed with “Was it good? That’s good, nice yeah I’m just here like being pregnant no big deal.” So I took the third test, this one was digital so it would either say pregnant or not pregnant. On the box it said it should take up to 5 minutes for results. By the time I pulled my pants up it read ‘pregnant’. It was maybe 30 seconds. We put all 3 tests on the table and we all just looked at them and Jimmy goes “yeah no denying this one, you’re pregnant pregnant”. (picture for reference those lines were DARK) Wow, I wasn’t just pregnant I was like very pregnant and I couldn’t even believe it. After going over my period tracker app, if it’s correct I would’ve been about 5 weeks pregnant. My app showed me ovulation days and it looked like Jimmy hit right on the money under the one day it said “VERY LIKELY TO GET PREGNANT” and boy was it right. I called my doctor that Monday, and they told me they couldn’t bring me in until I was 8 weeks pregnant so I scheduled my appointment and I just had to deal with this for the next 3 weeks, holding in this secret until I could have doctor confirmation.
I had my appointment and the doctor confirmed I was in fact pregnant. Guess there really was no denying this, the next step was to tell our families – which went better than I expected but still was the most nerve racking thing I had ever experienced besides child birth itself. We decided to tell Jimmy’s mom first because I needed to figure out the right way to tell my parents because, “hey I know Jimmy and I just got back together but surprise I’m pregnant!”, didn’t seem appropriate for this very serious matter. We pulled up to Jimmy’s mom’s house and I was rethinking this whole thing. How about we try telling her again another time, I wasn’t ready, because even though this was a real thing once you started telling people about it, it turned into reality like this is real real. We were sitting at the kitchen counter. They noticed I wasn’t drinking. Jimmy’s mom (Kelley) said, “Do you want a drink?” I said, “No I am okay, I’m gonna drive us home”. She looked suspicious because normally we would just sleep there and I could tell that’s exactly what she was thinking. Finally, Jimmy said “Look, Alyssa and I have something to tell you.” They froze in their tracks. They just stared at us and I just looked down at my fingers and picked at my nails because I couldn’t even look up. I was too scared. “Alyssa is pregnant.” No one said anything. They both turned their heads to me and I just cried. Kelley left the room and I felt nauseous. Jimmy’s aunt came over and hugged me, rubbed my head and whispered “Everything is okay, just give her a minute. It’s a lot to take in, just breathe”. So I focused on my breathing until she walked back into the room. She looked at me, grabbed my face, kissed my cheek and then brought me in for the tightest hug I had ever experienced. She asked me the basics, how are you feeling, how far along are you…and the running joke is my original due date was Jimmy’s aunt’s birthday so the first thing she said is “If you have that baby on TT’s birthday I swear to God” and instantly everything was normal. Jimmy, his aunt, and his mom danced around the basement with “Isn’t She Lovely” blaring, singing their hearts out. I was very relieved…for now until I figured out how to tell my parents.
I was busy with work and my family was busy all of the time, taking my younger siblings to different sports, running errands, and with work of their own. It was hard to find a time for Jimmy and I to go over. I texted my mom, “Hey mom would love to find a time for Jimmy and I to come over.” She kept going back and forth with me. Finally she texted me, “what is so important? I know you guys are back together, are you pregnant or something?” Holy shit how did she know that!? The weekend before I found out I was pregnant she apparently had a few drinks and talked about how she couldn’t wait to be a grandmother and how she was so excited that she kept talking about it so much that my step dad texted me, “are you pregnant or something? Mom won’t stop talking about being a Grandmom.” I looked at that text at that time and laughed and thought to myself, wtf I am absolutely not pregnant she’s drunk. Long story short I was pregnant…mom intuituion is a real fucking thing like she knew without even knowing she knew lol. Anyway, I stared at her text, “what are you pregnant or something?” I didn’t answer because I needed to choose what to say wisely but like she knew and suddenly texts started firing through:
“Alyssa”
“Alyssa”
“Alyssa Marie”
“ALYSSA”
“You’re fucking pregnant”
All I could say was “Mom, just let us come over after work and talk.”
Jimmy and I went over, we talked for a while and it all felt okay. Truly I was not sure what I was stressing about. Maybe because Jimmy and I broke up and I wasn’t sure what the future had in store for us, especially with now a baby coming into our lives. My mom’s only thing was, she wanted to make sure we would be okay whether we were together or not, because a baby does not fix a relationship. She knew what I always wanted. I didn’t want marriage. I told him not to propose to me while I was pregnant. That was a huge thing for me. No…I didn’t want a ring but, what I wanted was a family, together, not apart. I didn’t want my kids to go through what my mom and my biological dad went through, the constant back and forth between houses and every other weekends spent with his side or the splitting holidays, THAT SUCKS, and my mom and Jimmy both knew that was not what I wanted for my life or my daughter’s. Jimmy poured his heart out and let them know that what happened in the past, he was going to fix it and create the perfect life for me and our daughter together.
Looking back at those moments, telling our families this terrifying news actually turned out to be the best news that happened to ALL of us. All of the fear and nerves I had are now replaced with happiness and excitement. Time goes on, Olivia is officially here and my perfect little family is together.
Thanks for reading friends, stay tuned for my shit show of a L&D story…
As always Alyssa.
ForTheMoms 